Happy Birthday Grace!

Happy birthday my sweet girl. I can’t believe you are already 14! I still sometimes think of you as a little girl, but you’re not. You’re on the edge of adulthood.

I pray you enjoy these last years of childhood. I hope you take time to be silly and have fun. I want you to enjoy every moment of being a youth.

I saw your school pictures and marvel at just what a beautiful young lady you are. If I could hug the picture in my phone and the feeling would get back to you I would hug tight and not let go. I pray you know you are loved.

I also pray that your birthday was wonderful and filled with only good things. I hope you had tons of fun and many reasons to smile.

I love you now and always.

<3,

Mommy

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Happy Birthday Em!

My Sweet Beautiful First Born,

15! I can not believe you turn 15 today. Happy Birthday.

In some ways the years have flown right by. In others it seems like just yesterday you were born. You loved me so much you didn’t want to leave the comfort of my womb. While you were in there I always read you a book each night and was super conscious of the music I listened to knowing you could hear it. You were finally evicted by the use of Pitocin when you were two weeks late.

From day one you were always alert and curious. You surpassed all of your physical milestones. When you were just a few months old you started sucking your three middle fingers and twirling MY hair to go to sleep. Sometimes when you were in your car seat you’d twirl your own hair. On a few occasions your fingers got stuck.

As you aged you became my shadow. First following me around in your little walker, then trying to be a second mom to your siblings. No matter how much I reminded you to be a little you were always mature beyond your years.

Being the oldest you were allowed to stay up a half hour past the others. I hope you still remember our nighttime chats.

If you were here today I would have woke you with Starbucks or DD, whichever is your favorite. Had a small party with your siblings and friends and taken you and your friends someplace fun. Bailey would have licked your face 15 times and given you kisses.

I wonder what you ended up doing today. I hope whatever it was you enjoyed it. I hope you felt special and loved beyond measure, because my baby girl you are and you deserve the world.

Happy happy fifteenth birthday!

Love always,

Your Mama

High School

My daughters,

It’s your first day of high school. I can’t believe you are both already in high school. It feels like it was only yesterday you both were starting kindergarten.

I wish I could have been there today to have seen you both off, to have kissed your foreheads, and to have told you how very proud I am to be the mom of both of you. Seeing as how I wasn’t though I wanted to take a moment to put down in words all the things I would have told you both before you started on this journey. So here it goes:

Grades matter. They are not the end all, but they matter. Do your best. Study, take notes, pay attention.

Have fun. Yes, you can have fun and be a good student. Try to find the balance.

There will be peer pressure. Don’t let anyone pressure either of you into drugs, drinking, sex… Speaking of drugs and drinking; do not get in a car with ANY driver who has been doing either. It’s a small town, walk or call someone to come get you.

Social media is important. It can also come back to haunt you. Use it wisely. Don’t post anything you wouldn’t want a boss to see. Don’t share something you wouldn’t want the entire world to see.

Friends will come and friends will go. The right ones will stay. Do not be friends with anyone who doesn’t allow you to be you. However, be kind to everyone (unless being kind comes at the expense of your health or safety).

You’re going to want to date. When you do make sure the person you’re with treats you the way you treat them. Don’t let them put you down, don’t let them make you feel like you need to be less than, absolutely do not let them push you, hit you, call you names…

You’re probably going to get your heartbroken. The pain won’t last forever. It will feel absolutely horrible, but it will get better.

Bad things are going to happen. Things happening that make you angry and sad are an inevitable part of life. Feel the emotion then more on.

Smile when you can. Sometimes you might have to fake it. Try it. See if doing so makes you feel better. If it does keep doing it. You ladies have absolutely beautiful smiles. The world needs to see them.

You are both loved beyond measure. Don’t ever forget that. I am always just a call, text, or email away.

Have a wonderful, amazing, fun filled year.

<3,

Mommy

Pasta!

Yesterday, I made homemade pasta for the first time. It was so simple. The whole time I was making it I was thinking of all of you and kicking myself for never having made it with you guys.

You all would have loved making it. I can imagine little yous taking turns kneading the dough and rolling it out once it had set. You all would have had so much fun!

If when you read this you want to give it a try the recipe is:

– 2 cups of flour

– 3 eggs

– 4 tbs water

– 1 tsp garlic powder

– 1 tsp salt

Mix together and knead till elastic like. You should be able to put your finger in it and have it bounce back.

Pat lightly with flour and place in zip top bag for thirty minutes or more.

Lightly dust counter and rolling pin with flour. Then, roll out dough till very thin and cut in spaghetti like strands.

Add to boiling water and cook till a majority of strands come to the top. Serve with your favorite pasta toppings.

Enjoy!

Orange Day 2019

My sweet, handsome, boy the other day you turned 11. As I’ve said before time does not make being without you any easier. In fact it gets harder each year. With each passing year the fact that you are not with me, the memories I’ve missed making with you, become harder and harder to accept. I tell you this sadness not to bring you down, but rather so you know that life without you is not just business as usual. You are loved and you are missed.

I prayed so many extra prayers for you on your birthday. I prayed that you were having fun and that you received gifts that you wanted. I prayed that you would know that I was thinking of you with love. I prayed that you were over the moon happy.

I did my best to celebrate you. I painted my toenails orange. Uncle Timmy and I both wore orange. We went to Celebration where we found an orange wall. We then went to the Magic Kingdom, a place I think you would enjoy and want to go to if you were here. I went on the Peter Pan ride there because you used to love that book so very much. I know you have grown but in some parts of my mind you are still a little boy curled up on my lap listening intently as I read to you about Peter’s adventures while doing a different voice for each character making you laugh. At the Magic Kingdom I also took a picture of the Orange Bird sign because young you would have loved it.

Throughout the day so many people sent me messages and/or pictures of them wearing orange in celebration of you or objects that they saw that made them think of you. I held myself together pretty well through the day I was only on the verge of crying a few times, but then Aunty Jess sent me this:and I lost it. The tears came fast and strong. Do you remember when you used to sing this? You’d shake your little booty and dance like crazy.

Auntie Jess also sent me a ton of pictures of her amazing family in orange. Like me, she misses you. She told me herself that her heart 💜 misses you so much. My little orange boy, I pray this post helps you to see just how truly much you are loved, thought of, and missed. You will forever be a piece of my heart walking around outside of my body. Loved you then, love you still, always have, always will. 🧡

Love,

Mommy