A Decade

My dearest Lucas,

Tomorrow you turn ten. A decade old! In some ways the time has flown by and in others it’s completely stopped. 

Everyday I wonder about you. How you are. How’s school. Who your friends are. If you’re feeling happy, safe, and loved. I wonder if your memories of me have all faded or if you still hold on to them. 

I want you to know that no matter how old you get or how much time goes by I will always be here loving you. I hope that you are as certain of my love for you as you are your own heartbeat. 

You were always a smart, caring, funny little boy. I hope that hasn’t changed. I hope you still tell jokes that make everyone laugh no matter how bad of a day they are having. I hope you still help where you see a need. I hope you still challenge yourself to try new experiments. 


I know that it will be years before you see these letters but when you do I want you to know that you were always celebrated. Tomorrow I will start working on “your” choirs latest fundraiser. It seems fitting to start the work for it on your birthday as it was my promise to you that I would do my best to help them get a new organ. 

As I’m working on that I hope that you are having a blast. I hope that your birthday brings you yummy treats and awesome gifts. I hope that you know that mommy would be there if she could and though I hope you miss my presence I hope you are not saddened by it. I pray you hold onto hope. 

I love you my little man. Happy, happy, birthday. 

Love always and forever,

Your Mommy

Dear Daughter: Here’s Why I Didn’t March For You

My Dearest Girls,

Mommy didn’t write this, but it sums up my feelings wonderfully. Mommy had many friends marching and though I support their rights to march I do not agree with their cause. These are my reasons.

As you ladies become adults I hope that you will both take the time to do your research and become informed before forming your own opinions. Know that whatever they are they will not be agreed on by everyone and that is ok.

I love you both and hope you both become strong, independent, women.

Love,

Mommy

A Future Free

Dear daughter of mine,

You are so young and precious and innocent. You pass your days amidst sippy cups and Cheerios; amidst Minnie Mouse and your beloved dolls and toy kitchen.

But someday—sooner than I’d like—you’re going to grow up. And you’re probably going to hear a lot about something that’s happening right now.

You’ll learn about the unprecedented election of President Donald Trump, and you’ll learn about the thousands and thousands of women who came out to march all over the country in protest.

They were very loud. Some screamed; others gave speeches. Many carried big signs; others locked arms together. Some even wore “funny” outfits.

What were they upset about? I’ll tell you, sweet one.

They’re mad because we women don’t make as much money as men. They’re mad because we women don’t have full rights over our bodies. They’re mad because we women have to pay…

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Merry Christmas 

My dearest children,

Today we celebrate Christmas. A time of hope and miracles. A time of joy and love. This year, as with all years past, I hope you all have all of that. 

I hope you still follow some of our traditions. The ones that we had over our years together. Be it new pjs and a brand new bedtime story on Christmas Eve, sprinkling reindeer food, or any of the others; they were a part of your pasts. 

I hope you all still believe in Santa and Jesus’s birth. I hope the magic of the season hasn’t been lost on any of you. 

I’d be lying if I said my heart isn’t sad at you all not being around. It is, more than I hope any of you will ever feel. However I am still living and breathing, as are all of you. With that I know that no matter what life gives us we will all be ok. 


My darlings you are loved, every single one of you. Every single second of every day. I’m here now and always will be for you all. 

Someday you’ll all have the opportunity to read these and talk to all the the people who have been cut out of all your lives. There is so much love surrounding you all. Never have any of you been forgotten. 

So this Christmas I send up prayers for all of you. 

Love always,

Mommy

Never Forgotten 

My loves,

I want you all to know that you are always thought of and never forgotten. Mrs. Kathy made sure there were luminaries lit for each of you, as she does every year. I hope that you all feel God’s presence a little stronger now. 

We all love you guys. 

Love always,

Mommy

Nicholas Is Six!

My dearest Nicholas,


Today you turn six. I hope you have so much fun that you are all worn out by bedtime. I hope your day is filled with so much love that you can’t help to know you are wanted. I hope you get cake, ice cream, and gifts.


I also hope when you get older and look back on today you know mama would have been there if she could have. I hope you know that I sat and prayed for you; that you would have all those things that I hoped for you and that you would be happy. 


Time has gone by so quickly, it seems like just the other day you were a little baby grumbling in my arms. Gone are the days of sticky kisses, muddy puddle jumping, and Elmo watching. There has been so much that I’ve missed in your life and so much time can never bring back; but my son, I hope you know no matter what I’ve always been here for you. That will never change. No person, place, or thing will ever take the love I have for you away. 


I hope you embrace six for all it is. A little more independence, new things to learn, and new memories to make. Though you are no longer a baby in terms of age, you will always be my baby. I love you sweet boy. Happy happy birthday!


Love,

Mommy

Music To My Ears

My dearest daughters,

Congratulations on your concert last night. From all the videos and pictures I received it appears you both did wonderful. 

I’m sure the preparations for it took a lot of time and effort. I hope you both are so proud of your work. The music you both produced was absolutely beautiful. 

I’m sorry that I wasn’t there. I didn’t want there to be any fights or animosity shown on a day that you both worked so hard for. If I had known no one else would be there for you guys I might have attended. 

There is no excuse for none of your family being there. As your mom my heart breaks for you both. If it is of any comfort please know that there were many people that love you both in the audience. Many who told me how amazing you both did. 

Again great job ladies. I love you both. 

Love, 

Mommy

The Month Of Hope

My dearest littles,

This has been the month of seeing you all; not just in my heart, but in pictures, videos, and person. It’s delightful to see all the changes and growth you have all had. 

Emily and Grace you should be very proud of your awards. I’m sure there was a ton of hard work and dedication that went into earning them. You two were among so few. 

I can’t get over how tall you are getting Emily. You look so grown up. It’s hard to believe that in just a few short months you will be a teenager. I remember when you were just a little baby who would sit on my lap, suck your fingers, and twirl my hair till you drifted off to dreamland. Though those days are gone forever the love I felt for you still remains. 

Oh my goodness are you ever so cute Gracie. I see your choice of fun clothing still remains. I wonder if you know you have the same hair as me? Poofy, thick, and hard to control. That’s why my go to style has always been a ponytail. Pantene and coconut oil help a little. Another thing you have of mine is a piece of my heart. I hope you always know that. 

Lucas I have seen you in so many pictures and videos this week. I love that you still sing! The pictures of you with Santa are the best. The one of you giving Santa bunny ears made me laugh and laugh. It reminded me of when you were very young, probably two or three, and you wanted to eat the Easter Bunny. You always have been hilarious. I do hope it’s a trait that you keep throughout your life. 

Christopher, I could not believe my luck at running into you. I was so thrilled when you said hi that I froze. I’ve always thought about what I’d say when I saw you (any of you); wonderful, elegant, things that would tell of all the love I have for you. However when the time came all I could muster was a hi and to blow you a kiss. I hope and pray that you know that seeing you was the very best thing that has happened to me in the last three years. Perhaps the reason words failed me is because you are loved beyond any words. 

Lastly, my Nicholas, you haven’t changed much as far as looks. You still have the cutest little face. The one that makes me wish I could pluck you from my phone screen and snuggle you. The one that makes me long for the days of you sitting on my lap while I read you countless stories. The one that makes my heart break for your absence and full from the love I have for you at the same time. 

My babies, I love you all. Never ever, ever, will that change. My prayer is that you all will always know that and let that comfort you in any darkness there may be in your lives. No matter how much time has passed or may pass I have been and always will be here; thinking of each of you, praying for you all, and doing everything in my power to let you all know you’re loved. 

Love always,

Mommy